Silver Lining

Kebelakangan ini aku acapkali terlupa yang indah itu hanya akan jadi indah kalau yang buruk-buruk belaka ditempuhi dulu.

Who needs a driver?

Time Warp

Just watched District 9 on DVD. I really like the message they're trying to put forward:

Don't eat prawns.

I mean...don't be a fucking Nazi. Spread the love yaw!!

Back to Basics

I like this. Stopping the reliance on others and relying on your pure muscle power to get things done, ingenuity when the situation calls for it. Its not done yet. Consider this Phase 2.5 of the project. Hopefully by mid next year them four footed ruminants would have arrived, bleatings, smells and all.

Politika

Politics is everywhere you see.

Itu yang aku paling ingat masa aku belajar Law and Politics suatu ketika dulu, tapi aku sedikit konfius dari mana aku dengar itu. Mungkin di ekstrak dari salah satu lecture cum political indoctrination session Mr (now Haji) Ermo yang paling aku ambik pot ataupun dari buku A.C Kapoor yang aku sampai sekarang masih belum khatam. Aku rasa dari A.C. Kapoor kot.

Aku bukan lah peminat paling besar tentang perkembangan politik, terutama nya sekarang ini. Sengaja aku membutakan mata, memekakkan telinga dan membisukan mulut bila hal2 sebegini di bincangkan. Kalau ada yang membicarakan dalam sepelaung sekali pun aku sanggup angkat punggung lari ke tempat lain, malas mau tau. Sensitif. Boleh bawak merah2 muka dan tegang segala urat.

Kononnya mau mempraktikkan self-imposed isolation umpama Tokugawa Shogunate dari segala benda politik akan tetapi di zaman precision bombing dan Youtube ini segala usaha untuk menapis segala informasi yang sampai kepada kita itu sebenarnya sedikit bengong, akan ada saja benda yang buat kita tergelak bila baca di surat khabar atau yang membuatkan kita mengurut2 dada bila di lihat di belog. Maka aku cuma mampu bisukan mulut lantaran mata yang disogok belog dan telinga yang terdengar radio(bila dalam kereta), proses apa yang dilihat dan didengar , pendapat aku aku seorang saja yang tau, hinggakan hari ini lah.

3 hari lalu kereta Bonda yang tersayang telah di sondol dari belakang (bahasa lembutnya ikut orang kampung izmil; rear ended) dengan rakus oleh seorang pemuda yang behalusinasi disiang hari mengakibatkan kecederaan parah kepada bumper belakang kereta Mak. Lantaran itu si Wira hitam itu terpaksa bermalam di Gombak selama 2 malam sebelum di jemput oleh kami (aku dan Mak) pagi tadi. Maka naik LRT lah kami dan selepas itu dek kerana menunggu bas T228 yang tak kunjung tiba Mak betitah bahawa kerana bas Rapid itu sengal maka kami akan ke Taman Greenwood dengan menaiki teksi, kenderaan yang menjadi topik hangat sekarang ini.

Mak sememangnya datang ke dunia dengan naturenya yang ringan mulut, memang mudah menegur orang yang tidak dikenali, senang membuat kawan dan di sebabkan awkward silence yang tak sampai 10 minit dia pun mengorak langkah memula bicara dengan pakcik teksi yang senyap dari tadi lagi. " Pakcik, apa yang Nazri Aziz cakap kat parlimen sampai drebar2 teksi suruh dia letak jawatan tu?"

Benar lah kata orang tua2, air yang tenang jangan disangka tiada buaya. Pakcik teksi yang tadi diam membatu yang dari riak wajah nya yang tak berperasaan itu sebenarnya memendam rasa, maka berhamburan lah segala rasa tidak puas hati. Dia sebenarnya mengambil fair comment yang dibuat diParlimen itu at face value*. Katanya (katanya) dia dulu pernah bekerja dibawah Dato Seri Nazri Aziz suatu ketika dulu dan dia memang masak dengan sifat Dato' Seri yang sememangnya brutally honest itu cuma dia sangat terasa tentang komen terbaru yang hangat dibicara kan sekarang ni kerana beliau adalah sebahagian dari industri yang di kritik keras itu. Dari isu teksi melompat ke entahmana pulak dia sambung lagi "Pakcik ni orang Negeri Sembilan, kalau dikelar2 lengan ni keluar darah UMNO saja ni ha, satu family pakcik memang orang UMNO dari dulu lagi" kata nya antara lain sambil tangan kirinya tertunding2 penuh emosi sampaikan tertunding lutut kanan aku,geli tergeletek sebentar. Katanya lagi dia kecewa dengan apa yang terjadi dengan UMNO dibawah pemerintahan Dr M, rosak luar dalam kata nya dan dia turut menyampaikan mini lecturenya tentang penting nya moral integriti kepada seseorang pemimpin itu, lengkap dengan contoh sekali. Rancak mendengar luahan rasa seorang pemerhati politik sedar2 sudah sampai ke tempat di tuju dan pakcik teksi tadi masih belum puas meluah rasa" Pakcik ni bukan apa.limaringgitnamplosendik, Pakcik ni kecewa lah, kejap2pakcikambikmasaseminitjeni, negara kita jadi macam ni.. Melihatkan duit tambang yang dihulur mak sambil tersenyum lebar dia sedar yang kami memang nak keluar dan sememangnya nak cepat." Eh, kalau kamu ni orang UMNO pakcik mintak maaf lah ye pakcik cakap apa yang pakcik rasa je" ujar dia sambik membuat disclaimer. Aku yang diam dari tadi membalas "Takpe2 kami berkecuali"

Kalau ada butang merah untuk pemandu teksi its politics, and despite all the warnings (ala2 the Box) Mak had just pushed that one.

ADDENDA: Bila dipikir kan balik, pakcik teksi tu lagaknya macam KJ dalam Meter. Huahahaha.

*Aku pernah sekali sewaktu menunggu bas di KLCC melihat dengan mata dan telinga sendiri pemandu teksi membuli pelancong asing (aku akui walaupun aku sendiri kurang mesra dengan pelancong asing (kurang senyum dan selalu memberikan direction yang sangat general; KLCC? see that twin towers? that's your general direction) belum pernah terlintas di kepala otak aku untuk meng-capitalizekan ignorance mereka tentang kedudukan geografi KL itu untuk membuat keuntungan). Kepala hotak dia dari KLCC nak ke Ampang Park Rm 10. Sudahlah suka2 hati fix price lepas tu cakap macam lah Ampang Park tu jauh sangat. Mungkin orang sebegini tidak ramai tapi di mata pelancong itu kesialan itu dimultiplykan 10 kali ganda sehingga menampakkan seolah2 kesemua pemandu teksi di Malaysia ini mencekik darah, satu unpardonable sin yang lebih teruk dari memberikan direction yang salah kepada mereka.

I fell asleep, i haven't fallen asleep at this time for quite some time now. Since the semester break began at this time i'd be either sitting in front of my laptop staring at an empty screen or reading things i've read a thousand times before but never before i've fallen asleep at this hour,not even napping.

All around me people are busy with their own stuff, with their own responsibilities. Things to do. Families to attend to. Friends to hang out with, results be damned. Life goes on for them, things like this cuts no ice with them. Not for me. For all the reassurance and the attempted humour at my predicament i keep pinching my face every single day, desperately trying to tell myself that this is a just a long,continuous bad dream and if try hard enough i'd wake up to the smell of freshly fried fish fillet and scrambled eggs accompanied with a holler from Mak trying desperately to rouse me from sleep.

Well, it ain't a dream. Waking up every day itself is a challenge for me, every time i opened my eyes those numbers and letters came mocking me, i'd force myself to wake up for my morning prayers. But then i'd fall right asleep again, hell even if i couldn't i would force myself to fall asleep again for a few hours more. I know i am not supposed to sleep after sunrise. But what can i do when the only relief from the shitty reality is to sail off into a dreamless sleep. There is nothing left for me to do. People can come and look at me and declare "Well, its not as bad as it thought it to be, i've seen worse" Well, fuck them. Fuck you if you have that kind of thought in mind. All the effort through out the semesters to get some decent results and it all comes down to this, all blown to hell.

I woke up with a mild headache, must have been the cushion.

I just want to let all this negativity, all this frustration, all this anger out in the open where it can do no harm to her, to my family, to anybody. I'm tired of being this vessel of hate. I just want to let it out in a non-destructive way. I won't question God, i know He's got something in store for me. He might think this as a joke but i'm not laughing. I'll just have to believe that somehow behind this there is a part for me to play in His Grand Scheme of Things, i'll just have to accept that for now but that doesn't mean that i shouldn't feel anything about all this.

Pendek

Its no dream. The proof? This stabbing headache. Probably the coffee too, tapi hati sedikit senang. Yang di nanti sudah pulang. Welcome home traveler!!!

Cerita

When i was younger i used to care about almost everything, from the climatical changes of the world to the geographical features of Hawaii. World news moved me like telenovelas would to housewives and makciks, I cared about almost everything, but nothing interests me more than history. I cannot for the life of me understand the general dislike for what have happened in the past. They say don't dwell on the past, or the past is the past and look to the future but to me the study of the past is the only way to move forward. The Augurs of ancient Rome, look upon the flight pattern of the pigeons released from their cages, that's studying the past to foretell the future for you. Yes sir, despite the many misgivings for dwelling on the past, the past and the future is irrevocably intertwined with each other, like a siamese twin. And so the lack of appreciation with the past saddens me, Man by its very nature are forgetful and are in constant need of reminding and our ancestors knew this and you might say knowing this they make up oral traditions which when came the time for their sons and daughters replace them as the new torchbearers of civilization, they saw stories inadequate to hold all the collective memories of things past hence the idea of writing and later on books. Stories, set on paper. And you people call it boring.

The true meaning of history only came to me when i for the first time ever opened the Form 1 history textbook. I could not remember the exact page nor how the paragraph went but it did define history through the etymological study of the various words that denotes for most, the true meaning of boredom. I was at that time mystified with the English term which corresponds with the meaning of sejarah. It seemed all too simple of a word, so common to me that i never thought of why it is called the way it is. His-Story. As simple as that. A long dead dude's outlook of things long past. A record of the achievements and failings of fellow Man.

Excuse my over-enthusiasm, but for me the narration of things past comes alive in my head, the events, all the people, they come alive. In my head. Perhaps it is due to an over-active imagination but when i read the history books its not mere empty words that my eyes are seeing, its a whole lost world recreated with the voice of the long dead dude narrating it. It could be the reason why i enjoy history when all others see it to be nothing more than potent sleeping pill.

Why the rambling about history all of the sudden?

Because i Muhammad Amir Bin Sharipuddin have made history today with my academic result and not surprisingly it is not one of triumph, though i could really use some right about now. But take it the other way, it is a record breaker of a sort, and a heart breaker too. But nonetheless, things being as they are i am more convinced that my dear old Mak is again right to the letter, life is like a tire, and right now its on a downward roll with all these string of bad lucks,negativity and near misses this past few months. However, the silver lining in this cumulus nimbus cloud of mine is that what goes down will come up again, eventually (its a tire thing) provided there's someone to push it (that'll be me). Today's crushing disappointment will go down in my personal,unwritten(save for this), unpublished history and dwell upon it i will as with all histories until it drowns me in the deepest depth of self-deprecation and self-loathing until it finally scalds and burn me up inside to try and erase this mark of shame upon my face for history it is indeed but it sure as hell is not the end of my story.

Tersurat/tersirat

Seingat aku dulu Mak pernah cakap, ada benda yang buku tidak boleh ajar. Benda-benda yang abstract, humanistic kerana sebagaimana versatil pun sesuatu buku itu benda-benda yang di ajar hanya lah limited kepada benda yang tersurat, boleh diukursukat, yang teknikal. Well, today i'm reading one on one of the things you said that books can never teach me and best of all, its your book ma.

Aku Neanderthal

aku tak bersuara bukan bermaksud aku tiada pedapat.

A Question of Time

It crossed my mind once, the thought to put it all in writing and stop wasting my time and energy on bridging this chasm. A creation not of the earth's crust but of my own devising. Leave them to decode the meaning. Building a bridge over an imposing stretch of nothingness that was not there before is no small feat. Foundations must be dug, plans must be drawn up, if you can't move the earth you bridge it.

Digging is an exhausting business, so is explaining, verbalizing, devising the plans. I would not be surprised if both side of the chasm would throw their hands in the air and went for a drink when things turn to shits. It is never easy but it ain't hard either, just a little time-consuming and taxing on the patience department. The most basic human nature is to endure and persevere.

I've got all the time in the world and by God above i'd scrape whatever perseverance & patience this frail soul can give.

Iklan

Iklan lama Arwah Yasmin Ahmad yang tak sampai seminit tapi paling bermakna.

Saintis

Not the best video quality but this is one of my favourite songs by Cold Play. Mellow and yeah, the lyrics is a bit ..well , nevermind.

Kaki

Just came back from an all day walkabout.

Ok, maybe not an all day one lah since i spent like 5 hours in the Pavilion.

But then again, its been a great while since i've walked around the familiar places of the city and my, how i have grown softer and softer these days..

From the hustle and bustle of the rush hour traffic choking the streets to the time they call the graveyard shift where you can lie down on the road itself and never worry of being run over by anything, by God there is nothing better and uplifting to the soul other than to put one foot after another firmly on the ground. I missed it. I missed going for long walks alone with no one but the city to accompany me. Its an indescribable feeling to walk under the orange glow of the streetlamps with nothing but the sound of your footsteps and the slow hum of the city accompanying you, its.. simply magic.

But of course there's the unsavoury bit, especially the part where i had to walk under the AKLEH to use the pedestrian bridge that went over the Klang River, my only route home for the past 20 years or so. It was dark as a negro's armpit down there and i was reduced to slowly stepping my way one through the blanket of darkness for fear of stepping into a deep hole (the ground there is a bit uneven). But the task was made lighter with the encounter with an otter right before i walked through the darkness. It was a heartwarming thought that proves that perhaps Klang River is en route to recovery as to be able to support such creature, it was no small otter. Under the orange light of the street lamp i mistakenly thought it to be a dog prowling for food but its graceful movement as it slunked away from my presence and the wet sheen its coat gave under the light proved otherwise. Heck,the fella even had the gall to turn his (assuming its a he) every now and then on his way back to the fetid waters of the river to look at me in curiosity, as if questioning what a two-legged creature was doing there at this hour. Sorry old boy, didn't mean to spoil your walk.

The rest of the journey i should say is routine, i am used to a Malay majority area where everything slows down after 9. Except for one coffee shop still holding the fort with nothing but two half asleep customers at one their tables there was no sign of life everywhere. There i was under the familiar orange lights again only this time the hum of the offices and towerblocks were exchanged with the big old trees exhaling their airy breath. It was as still a night can get, that is if you cancel out the rats fighting over scraps of rubbish.

Oh the things you'd notive when you are on foot. Things that you'd never experience after internal combustion usurped the role of pure muscle power.

I intend to enjoy whatever that is left of this holiday come what may and though it might not be spent anywhere fancy i do believe that the best way to spend a break is on foot, on familiar grounds. This is my city, i live here and hopefully, i'll die here.

Freedom Club

I'm sick and tired of all this. This modern life is slowly taking its toll on humanity, on me. The greater the technological leap that we made the further we are from our own humanity, from what really matters the most to us. It starts now, earlier than planned.

Nostalgic

Sometimes i miss my young angry days. At least back in those days it was over something that i've read and it has always been a reason for productivity, unlike nowadays. Its always over something i heard and nothing good came out of it.

Fucking contagious secondhand anger.