Idylls

I was over at the Clinic for my medical check-up when curiosity overwhelmed my habitual silence and so i asked:

-Dokter, dokter dah berapa lama ada dekat sini?
-You think?
-Long time? As long as i can remember
-25 years
-Okay, that's a long time.
-Yep
-Funny you should ask. Sometimes when someone i know crosses the street, i can't recall his or her name but i can remember what ails him or her or what was the problem with his or her mother or father.
-Okay, you've been here wayy too long (which of course, i didn't say out loud).

I've been going to the Doctor since, forever. Hell, my whole family has been his patients since time immemorial. My family, my aunts and uncles to the Grandmaster. We've all been his patients. Twenty freakin five years. That is how long he's been around the place. In a way he has become a permanent fixture of the place and honest to God, i kinda like that idea. Open up a small practice somewhere, maybe here and stay there until you become a part of the landscape or like the Doctor, to have old age misplace the names of the people who had been my frequent clients but to still have remembered what i represented them for. Oh to dream that life would pass slowly in this day and age!

Tentang Orientasi, Kejujuran dan Kemaslahatan Umum

Just now, while FB-ing someone linked the video of the dude openly declaring himself a gay at Youtube. Now i wouldn't bat an eyelid (in fact i don't think anyone will) if its an American who's declaring his sexual orientation. The problem is its a Malay with a name that clearly denotes his Muslim faith.
The public reaction is as expected, outrage while at the fringes, the minorities hailed his bravery in furthering the cause of liberty and openness in the country. Now i am not in the state to write in full blown paragraphs, not tonight as so i shall frame my thoughts the best i could: in point form.


-The dude said that he's gay and he's okay with it. I'm not okay with it but that does not make me want to straight away want to stick a knife in his chest.

-It is wrong, the Good Book said so but that doesnt mean that i have to straightaway stick a knife in his chest or shun him.

- I've always believed that God has always wanted us to talk ourselves out of violence , to fix whatever that is wrong without having to resort to stick a knife into the person we disagree with. Islam after all is a religion of peace.

-We should talk it over with the dude or any persons with this LBGT mindset, try to see how the shoes are on the other foot before straight away calling for a genocide.


-It boils down to this; they are here, amongst us. The question now is what do we do about it?

- I really like this fella's take on the issue here. Instead of mobbing up with pitchforks and torches calling for blood why don't we sit down and think about it? What effect does the LBGT have on society as a whole and other questions we are dying to know the answers to. Be objective about it. While, you're at it, write an academic paper on it.

-Personally i do believe there's a strong reason why God Almighty placed the organs in this order: Brain, Heart, Peepee (for guys lah). It serves to show that you oughtta think with the head, not with the heart and never, with your peepee.

-Also, please don't try to justify it with the arguments such as " the animals do it too" It insults my coolness to be equated with penguins.

- I won't pretend that i know how they feel and what they are going through.I don't. Although I don't like them but that will not stop me from trying to understand them.

- I am straight, i do hope that all Men are but unfortunately there is a penumbra of uncertainty(damn i've always wanted to use that word!) there, whether God made it so or whether it is by choice is open for debate the question now is What do we do about it?

Tentang Orientasi, Kejujuran dan Kemaslahatan Umum

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Good Evening KL.

Baru lepas menonton lagi satu filem tentang Easter Rising, IRA dan Perang Saudara Ireland. Sedih. Pilu. Dari bergasak dengan Empayar British kemudian bergocoh sama sendiri atas perbezaan pendapat. God strike me down if i ever point a gun at my own brothers and sisters.

On another note,
Apa bising-bising pasal mau buat Nuclear Reactor ni? Sapa si mangkuk yang cadangkan? Kau ingat buat reactor tu macam buat reban ayam? Sapa kata tak cukup resource untuk Biomass power, just tap into the Parliament. They seem to produce lot of shite more than usual these days.

Oh, by the bye. The Faculty said yes. So yes, I'M IN!!!! I'M GOING TO HELL!!!!!!

Tatkala kepala maseh lagi rasa seolah2 lepas dibalun dengan hammer

Masih lagi dalam pusingan dedau, berpeluh, sehat sikit, dedau balik. Lidah masih takde perasaan.Otak masih blur(semua gara-gara overheating seharian semalam). Malas mau melayan kerenah badan aku mengonlinekan diri dan entah macam mana boleh terbaca dan terdownload Walden. Kerja si Henry Davi Thoreau. Baca punya baca line ini yang membuatkan mata aku terbelalak seketika;

Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with

our own private opinion.

What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate.

benda yang sama abah ada cakap dengan aku lantas menimbulkan persoalan; abah baca walden? Bile masanye? selama aku memunggah koleksi buku dia tak pernah pulak aku jumpa.

Old Stuff

Was trawling through the old unpublished things when i found this;


The Dream Machine
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

What if that all the dreams we ever had in our sleep are generated by a machine?  And what if this machine have existed for quite some time as a modification of Charles Babbage's calculation machine, powered by the brains of the long-dead writers and poets of old from all around the world such as Tolkien, Hemingway,  Conrad, Kafka,  Steinbeck, Poe, Shelly, Byron, Faulkner, Roald Dahl, or even our own Usman Awang? For a brain to be interred into the machine is the greatest honour a great mind can get., to lie in a state of immortality of sorts.

    A machine so big that it is of the size of a small continent, Jars and jars of brain floating in life-sustaining liquid all connected by wires and rubber tubes to each other and to the machine. The machine, of miles and miles of complex construction of steel tubes, innumerable cranks and cogs replete with dizzying array of valves and exhaust vents. Chugging and clanking, wheezing,all the while feeding all the people in the world, man woman and child their fair share of dreams or sometimes in some random algorithm combination, a nightmare.The army of half-dead brains still emitting sparks of imagination and giving us the most outlandish of dreams during our hours of  slumber,a Grimm-esque world of flying walruses and singing cats,of witches and imprisoned maidens, parliaments made entirely of cows and bulls, or maybe dream of food: a river of chocolate with banks of marzipan, soaring towers made of Cheddar bricks and fastened together with cream cheese mortar, or of loves found and lost , maybe dreams of epic proportion. In the world where the great minds run wild nothing is impossible.

    Giving us that drive to life the next day or perhaps reminding us of our innermost desires and wants, maybe etch a faint smile on our faces when we sit down and think of it at times of stress and sorrow, reminding us despite the all the crap we have to go through life ain't that bad after all. We still have our dreams to fall back to.

And what if this dream machine breaks down?



3.58 a.m, 6th August 2007

A New Year Wish

4 days late but better late than never, kan?

May your new year shone with all new improvements and new dreams to chase (or old dreams be given a new spit and polish). If you are a writer may you  write more often and come up with better and more outrageous stories (or movies, or books) this year. If you are a lawyer may stress be a whetstone to sharpen your mind instead of a constant source of hate and not forgetting, may your client list grow and your business too. Of course if you are a student, may this year be the year that pointer department gets a massive upward push and also that the lecturers for this coming semester be kindly and generous with marks (Amin). If you are working, may this new year be a more productive year for yourself and your company/ department/ body. As the Latin motto went, Labor Omnia Vincit. If you are a son or a daughter, may you be a better son/daughter this year to your parents, live through the naggings and grow up to be what you wanted to be. If you are a husband, may you be a better husband and may you listen more to your wife/wives and may you not forget your anniversary this year. For wives, may you spare your husband the naggings may you be a better wife and may you come up with a new out-of-this world recipe this year. If you are a Muslim, may  you be a better Muslim this year. If you are not a Muslim, may this year makes you a better and more understanding human being and finally, If you are a friend, may you be a better friend this year than you were the last year. May new friendships blossom and old and broken ones rekindled.


Yes, its that New Year.

Like Something Stuck Between Your Teeth

For some reason this song kept playing in my head.

Kenapa Masih Ada Yang Konfius Sedang Akal Tuhan Dah Kasi.

Kalau kau rasa sexual orientation kau itu best maka kau lagi hina dari penguin.
Shame on you man/woman!

The Thing They Do With Robes and Funny Hats and A Piece of Paper.

Esok tengah hari,
legally sanctioned attire-nye adalah robe ala-ala Harry Poktek dengan hood nye sekali dan jugak topi bodoh yang bernama mortar board itu (nama yang sangat kelakar, i kept picturing people wearing mortar tube for a hat). Untuk diorang lah, bukan untuk aku. Aku nak pakai songkok. Symbolic protest for the ill representation of troll-kind in literature, games and popular culture. We are not as dumb as they make us to be, the proof? Aku habis sekolah undang-undang (ok, hampir habis sebab ada lagi setahun LLB).

Dah habis basic degree aku. Cicero my man, i really hate it when you are right. 

Oh well, time to iron me shirts then.

God, i hate ironing.

Apekejadahnya semua ini

Orignally created on 24th October 2010.

 

Just a week ago I read in the papers that a plan in the works for a skyscraper to be built within farting distance of Stadium Merdeka being a project endorsed by the current government. The name of the ‘scraper? Surprise surprise, Warisan Merdeka.

An acquaintance remarked that it’s another case of ‘mine is bigger than yours” syndrome, Zunar the controversial cartoonist seems to think that Warisan Merdeka is a symbol of the PM’s love to his wife, kinda like the Taj Mahal. Heck I’m sure its going to be more mahal than the Taj. As for me, I see it as another phallic symbol protruding the skies of the Kuala Lumpur and a great waste of tax payer’s money. The proposed development is nothing more than a continued policy of big buildings equals uber bigger prestige which is stupid if you ask me. How the heck could you blend in a skyscraper with two aging stadiums?

First of all the proposed site is right next to the aging yet historic landmark of the country, Stadium Merdeka where the Independence was first declared 53 years ago. The blasphemy of it! It’s like putting up a taller and grander building right next to Istana Mestika and thumbing your nose to the Sultan of Selangor, the nerve of it!  and What guarantee is there that the works on the ‘scraper will not jeopardize the structural integrity of the highly historic stadium? and I could not for the life of me understand the logic of building a 100 storey commercial and condominium portion in a historic area and naming it Warisan Merdeka, for what? I would not want my children and their children when asked what merdeka is to point to a scraper full of shops and condo. Wouldn’t that be ironic?  To associate a building full of shops and houses, the symbol of our fixation with money and consumerism with independence. Merdeka Abah kau!

Call me an ardent opposition to the project, call me an anti-development traditionalist, call me pessimistic of the government motives because I am all of the above. If the intention is to develop the area then the surely it has occurred to the demented heads behind the project that development equals increased traffic into the area? That there will be more cars coming and going into the area? Since our fair KL is notorious for its traffic jams is the road system there efficient enough for the increased traffic? Or is the public transportation good enough to handle the hypothetical torrents of public coming and going into the area. If it is indeed to be both a commercial and residential zone mashed into one then the number of cars that is coming and going will be ten if not threefold.

Then there is the problem of parking those aforementioned cars. Again, if the project is going to be both commercial and residential in nature then the amount of parking space would be humongous, I mean picture parking spaces the size of a huge cavern, okay I may be extrapolating here but you get what I mean. In this day and age, no sane man or woman would be going shopping to a glitzy new place by taking the public transport, that is so not cool. Further, since it’s a proposed combination of both commercial and residential area ala the Gardens then surely the residents would want the space to park their cars and the cars of their visitors, think again of the space needed to accommodate that alone. If it is to be basement parking then there’s a question of digging deeper foundation for the building, again the aging stadium next door comes into the picture, will the digging and piling works affect the grand old stadium and his equally old friend to the northeast?

When you say d-e-v-e-l-o-p-m-e-n-t of an area then it involves transforming the area into something new, the Warisan Najib..sorry. I mean Warisan Merdeka is just the start, one big beginning for smaller buildings that will mushroom over the area in the subsequent months if not years and WM will be the one big-ass building to rule over them all. In the light of this it is not possible that some fool in the near future with the rights over the Stadium Merdeka (currently the stadium is under the care of an unnamed Trust) would, in an ill-concieved corporate decision making decide that the old stadium is a sight for sore eyes and a new mall would look better in its place. It can happen you know, the government has a dubious record of preserving heritage sites, just look at the old Pudu Jail.

When you build big-ass projects like this the question that will be asked is who will benefit from the project and will it really like my dear mother told me create more jobs for the locals and inject economic growth?  First off let us consider the building aspect of the proposed project. Since it’s a big- ass project, logic dictates that there’s bound to be outside experts toiling on the project as architects, joint and welding experts, soil surveyor and stuff. Despite having growing number of big names in the building field we remain skeptical of local talents. I don’t blame em. It’s the PM’s pride and glory. Surely he would want only the best to work on his pet project. That’s money going out of the country when what you want as in for the current economic state is for the money to roll inside the country. As for the labourers, despite our continuous deportation of them, large number of Indonesian labourers will do all the heavy lifiting. They’re good at it and they’re cheap. Who could ask for more? Don’t even ask what about our boys, menial labour is below them, they have chronic allergy to sun exposure and the only remedy for that is to bathe themselves in artificially generated cool mist thus limiting their work choice.

That was in the building stages, when its finished and launched with all the tepung tawar-ings ,ribbon cuttings and fireworks streaming the night sky then came the issue of populating the empty spaces. Who would fill up the empty shop/office lots. For one you’re not going to find the likes of a makcik selling kerepek in the building, obviously its going to be those who can afford to pay the rent or buy the lots outright and its not going to be small time businesses or average joes and janes like you and me. Its always going to be to the big corporations, to the big brand names with their boutiques, its going to be like another KLCC or Pavilion. A place full of world class goods that none of us living from salary to salary could ever afford. Who’s the target market then? The rich and the moneyed of course, that and the tourists, especially those from Middle East.

What about job opportunities then? Be assured that there will be jobs aplenty, if you can beat the Pakistanis and Bangladeshis and Nepalese and Tibetians and Myanmarese, Vietnamese and the ..Africans? (I really don’t know, theres way too much immigrants in the city today that you can never keep track of them) ..to it. Odd jobs, cashiers at the fast food joints which will surely pepper the building, if they’re really good and with the proper level of education there might even be better jobs awaiting them in the management department of the finished building. That’s a big if.

What about the residential levels then? Buying a house in KL will cost you and arm and leg (and a toe) nowadays, now it goes without saying that a house at the newfangled place would probably cost you your soul. The point of having a house in a high-rise is almost exclusively for the view that one gets from the living amongst the clouds, what manner of people who would inhabit such houses then? Of course its going to the extremely moneyed which I dare say would not be locals like you and me who would be struggling to get a decent house at a decent rate. Foreigners di utamakan, rakyat tak berumah. That’s just great.

The main thing here is that I do not see the need for another skyscraper. Chiefly, from whose pockets would the money come from, the taxpayers. Secondly, if the government has the time and money (taxpayer’s money) to waste on this project surely it does not present a problem to them to do the same in order to preserve Stadium Merdeka and all other heritage sites in this country because the same destructive patterns is repeating itself everywhere I see. In the name of capitalistic gods and goddesses of money and greed, the old historic sites are either turned into a joke or left forgotten to rot and ruin and in its place, brand new shopping complexes touted as a sure –fire way of getting tourists to come here. The fallacy with this line of thought is that, what the tourists are looking for are what constitutes as our identity, what made us us. Its our heritage, the relics of our past. That’s what they came here for, they wouldn’t bat an eyelid over the shopping complexes, they have a lot of those back home. The Italian authorities wouldn’t have spent euros battling tides and coming up with ways to stop Venice from slowly sinking, the London authorities wouldn’t have let Tower of London stand in the middle of London, preserved like a cherry if not solely for their historical significance (and not to mention the money it makes). These foreigners/westerners knew the value of history, and if we ourselves have no regard for our own past then I pity us, I pity the next generation for history forgotten is as good as lost and needless to say, a forgotten history has the nasty habit of repeating itself. I could never forgive myself if ever my children or my children’s children ever to confuse the sacred word of ‘merdeka’ with a skyscraper built in blasphemy to the memory of it. That reason alone is enough to oppose the building of Warisan Merdeka.

What if.

-What if there was never any affirmative action taken by the government right after the 13th May riots?
-What if the Malayan Emergency never ended and that the Communists received full support of the countryside of the North?
-What if the planned canal at Segenting Kra was a reality and the Russians and the Brits are at each other's throat and Malaya their chessboard.
-What if the Malaccan Sultanate never fell and its a thriving small kingdom amidst the colossal Malayan Federation in the Peninsular.
-What would have happened if UMNO was never formed and CPM is a legitimate political party?
-What if Indonesia was never formed, instead its a mess of rivaling regional entities.
-What if the Barisan Sosialis won the Singaporean Election of 1963?
-What would have happened if Brooke never even landed in Sarawak?
-What could have happened if the Oppositions won a landslide victory during the 8th of March 2008 elections?
-What if i was in UM doing Anthropological Studies instead of reading Law in UiTM?
-What if UiTM never existed?
-What if the Konfrontasi was partially successful leaving Malaysia a rump state?
-What if J.K Rowling never wrote the Harry Potter series?
-What if the Russian Revolution never took place and Marx remains a labour activist in London?
-What would have happened if the Bay of Pigs invasion was successful and USSR intervened?
-What would have happened if Penang secedes from the Malaysian Federation?
-What would happen if a military coup topples the Najib Government and declares martial law?
-What would have happen if there is a chronic shortage of sugar in the country?
-What  would have happened if Tun Dr Mahathir remains a doctor and never entered politics?
-What if the US, not Britain is the colonizer of Malayan Peninsular during the 19th century?
-What if the Vietminh never won at Dien Bien Phu and the French Indochina survives till this day?
- What would have happened if Kedah, Kelantan and Terengganu remains as the protectorates of Siam (Thailand)?
-Would the world be different if Anwar Ibrahim is a communist?
-What would have happened if there was no oil reserves discovered in this country?
-What would have happened if Sabah and Sarawak voted not to join the Malayan Federation in forming Malaysia?
-What if Malaysia is a loose confederation of Malay States?
-What would happened if Great Britain gave recognition to the Confederate States of America?
-What would have happened if the State of Kelantan won its case against the Government of Malaysia?
-What if i opted to join Kesatria instead of Suksis?

Is it Fair?

Upon the insistence of the Missus i went to buy tickets for the much awaited Harry Potter Movie, the last installment of the series (which was further divided into two parts, no doubt because of the length). Aware that one could easily procure seats for a movies through the internet i utilized the godsend online booking system but alas, to my discovery there existed a discrimination in terms of seating. While gsc does not even let you pick and choose your seats TGV only allows you to choose seats 4 tiers down from the good spots. The diagram clearly divided all the 8 tiers into 2 types, up above were the reserved seats while 4 tiers down, its for the untermensch, those who chose to buy their tickets online rather than line up at the cinema.
What nonsense is this?

Granted, that ticket-selling business is not something that is specifically statutory regulated meaning to say it operated on the whims of the cinema operators themselves but aren't the moviegoers consumers too? with their own rights and protection? Specifically, the online ticket buyers/bookers, why are we being discriminated against? Not only we only given limited choice of seats, we have to pay additional Rm 1 for it.

I guess i could stomach the fact if the Rm 1 acts as a collateral that is payable to the operators should the reservation be cancelled but its not. Lets say that two tickets to a movie which is Rm 6 totals up to RM 12, since you made a reservation or booking or chop dulu or whatever you want to call it, automatically additional Rm 1 is charged to you which is payable upon the collection of the tickets at the ticket counter. Its not collateral its bloosucking pure and simple. Just because we opted not to line up we had to shell out extra RM 1 and are denied the choiciest seats in the cinema hall, again i ask this,

what nonsense is this?

Shouldn't it be the other way around? since we had to pay extra, should we the online reservationist (if there is such a word) be given the prerogative of choosing the seats including the best seats available? One might say that i am blowing things out of proportion over Rm 1 but hear me out, when i did the online booking almost all the seats marked out for online reservation are already taken. For an online booking the number of seats that can be booked are limited to 6 so since the configuration of seats for online booking are 12 seats per row and theres 4 rows, that makes the profit the operator makes from online booking on per hall/showtime basis around Rm 8 if all the bookings/reservations are for real and believe me since its Harry Potter we're talking about, people are jostling for any seats they can get their hands on,all seats will be taken. Consider the showtimes for Harry Potter, last time i checked it plays around 5 times a day (since i reckon TGV will have to use their big halls for HP)so taking into account what i said earlier, its going to be a mad jostling for seats, the operators can make Rm 40 on online reservation fees daily while a blockbuster movie runs (Enthiran does not fall into this category, its a superblockbuster).

Do you see my logic here?

If we're paying extra to watch a blockbuster shouldn't we be given the option of getting the best seats available?

Ostalgic

Berminat dan semakin berminat dengan filem-filem Ostalgie.Tak dapat aku bayangkan kalau Malaysia itu di bahagi dua (the Peninsular at least) dan East Coast itu berfahaman komunis. Tak dapat untuk ku bayangkan pakcik-pakcik di kedai kopi berbual tentang Maxim Gorky sambil makan nasik sama budu.

Menyampah#2

Politics won't feed you, bribes will. Politics won't help you when you're sick and dying, friends will. Politics cares for you, its your best friend, your lover, your most generous benefactor but once the polls are over, you are just another annoying voter. Politics will build roads, houses, mosques, tall buildings that you gawk in awe but you can never ask 'im out for lunch or for late nite mamak session. Politic sucks out all your feelings and will have none for you. It will make you cry but it will never cry with you, when it laughs its laughing at you, not with you. Politics is a demanding bitch, it demands loyalty from you and gives you none, it wants time from you and furnishes you none. It takes all and demands all, so why bother?

Menyampah/Sampah

Politics/Idea(s) is a bitch. It won't feed you or your children, nor will it extend a hand to you when you are down and out. It demands your wholehearted devotion like a lover would and yet, once it becomes a reality it will forget you for it has neither emphathy nor sympathy your feelings. Yes, ideas are bullet-proof but the same character that made it so also made it brutal, cruel and uncaring.

Wajib Tuu...

Nothing political about History decision: Muhyiddin

By ZUHRIN AZAM AHMAD

KUALA LUMPUR: The decision to make History a must-pass subject to obtain the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) certificate was not politically motivated, said Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin.
The Deputy Prime Minister said the public should not misinterpret the decision as being political.
"Why are we afraid of our own history? What is history is history, and we cannot concoct something that is not history.
"The intention is making History an attractive subject and teaching students how to interpret history in the context of their lives, such as awareness and patriotism.
"I don't think any party should feel suspicious or worried because history is based on historical facts," he told newsmen after opening the Second World Chinese Economic Forum on behalf of the Prime Minister here Tuesday.
Muhyiddin, who is also the Education Minister, said the public should not be influenced by parties that claimed the move was a "deception".
"Don't be prejudiced. We must have a positive mindset as it is something which is done for the good of our children. A committee has been set-up to receive feedback from groups or associations that want to give their input," he said, adding that historians of all races would be invited to give reviews.

A good move i must say, so long as we remember what Orwell had to say in Nineteen Eighty Four and neither should we forget the old adage that history is written by those who won.

 News taken from here

Off the Record

Its a curious state of existence not having any identification nor a dime to my name. Firstly, i could not leave the house without having the nagging feeling that  i am liable to be arrested for no reason by the police and be locked up for not having any means of proving my nationality. That and also the fear that should anything happen to me (read: should i die of any circumstances) my body would simply marked as another John Doe, to be left in the morgue until someone claims for me or until they extract a tooth from me for comparison with available dental records (they do have that kind of thing kan? I speak in ignorance of the accepted procedures in this fair nation of ours)
Secondly, I'm dead broke. Like i said before, not a dime (cent if you prefer it) to my name, its all in the bank, which by the very nature of my current predicament, beyond my reach. Having said that, it goes without saying that to be out and about in a city requires money and i'm not comfortable with the idea asking for money from my folks. Never been the asking type.

As i remembered it, a day before i left the firm i cleaned out my wallet of all the unnecessary things, old scrip, receipt which the writings have all faded. No nook and cranny left unchecked, i went through every single contents of the wallet,  receipt of my first statute i bought as a law student, movie ticket stubs, picture of me and the missuss. It was a beautiful thing the wallet, a birthday present it was. Was, because i never knew it was the last time i would see and touch it.

Lost it was, that's the infuriating thing. When it comes to my wallet i've always made sure that its either in my pocket, its usual place or somewhere else safe. I remembered putting in into my back pocket of my jeans the morning before we left for my sister's graduation. I only noticed its disappearance right before i came out of the car at Seremban RnR, I came to the conclusion then that it must have been left the living room where i had laid down while waiting for my mum to get ready, i came to that conclusion because i didn't left the car from the moment i stepped into the car until we stopped at Seremban where i noticed that my wallet is not with me, right before i stepped out of the car. But when we came home that evening the wallet was nowhere to be seen and a furious search of the car yields the same result. So did another thorough check of both the house and the car the next day.

Today, i had all the ATM cards blocked save for Bank Islam whose definition of Customer Service does not include answering the phone call of a customer in distress and a police report made (the most laconic piece of literature i've read so far) at the local police station.

As for tomorrow, an appointment with the National Registration Department awaits at Maju Junction, the Road Transport Department (at the 2nd Floor) and later with the three banks for the replacement cards and wee bit later, the long due payment for my convocation bill (hurrah!). It ought to feel odd, not having anything in my back pocket.

One consolation, the only consolation that i have from this is that i'm glad that my pay for last month was not in the wallet, else i'd be cursing to no end for that kind of bad luck.

And so children, the moral of the story is, to never ever put all your eggs in one basket.

Kan?

“What does a man need—really need? A few pounds of food each day, heat and shelter, six feet to lie down in—and some form of working activity that will yield a sense of accomplishment. That’s all—in the material sense. And we know it.
But we are brainwashed by our economic system until we end up beneath a pyramid of time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, playthings that divert our attention from the sheer idiocy of the charade.
The years thunder by. The dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on the shelves of patience. Before we know it, the tomb is sealed.
Where, then, lies the answer? In choice. Which shall it be: bankruptcy of purse or bankruptcy of life?”
–Sterling Hayden, Wanderer

Panas!

Malam yang sangat panas. Terbayang-bayang apakah perasaannya berendam dalam tab penuh dengan kiub ais.

Babi

Aku rasa sangat terhina dengan Google Chrome bila di tanyakan ini bila belog ini dibukak:

This page is in Indonesian, would you like to have it translated?

Fuck You Chrome. I'm switching back to Firefox.

Cerita Minah

Luahan perasaan 1:Yang sebenarnya aku merasakan mereka-mereka yang selalu ke event artsy fartsy dan dengan bangganya berkata-kata i/kami/ana/mak/myall memang rajin pegi bende2 macam ni, sebenarnya lame.

 Ok, sebelum kau baling pinggan( atau mana2 objek yang terdekat) ke muka aku, hear me out. Bila kau ke event sebegini rupa the main order of the day is self-expression and the celebration of that freedom. Maka bila parameternye sudah di setkan sebegitu rupa akan ada insan insan yang terlampau abstrak pemikirannya akan turut mengekspreskan pemikirannya untuk tatapan umum. Sebagai contoh, kau pegi ke galeri , ada pameran dan salah satu ekshibitnya adalah tiang lampu jalan yang takde mentol nya di tengah galeri. Title artwork nye: Terang Bulan. Apa yang kau faham? Aku berani potong jari untuk cakap yang majoriti yang melihat akan pada first instance akan terdetik dalam hati ; Kejadah apa kah ini? tiang lampu di tengah rumah? Kemudian barulah dalam masa beberapa saat kemudian kau akan menjustifikasikan kewujudan tiang itu dengan statement; this is art walaupun sebenarnya kau masih tak faham apa yang cuba disampaikan oleh si artis itu tadi. Mengapa dia rembat tiang lampu tepi jalan? Mengapa mentolnya takde? Apa signifikannya tiang itu ada di tengah galeri? Adakah ini tanda protes terhadap TNB? atau mungkin artwork yang diendorse TNB? dan paling penting sekali, mana nilai seni nya?

Kau kata its art ,hanya dan hanya kerana kau ingin dilihat sebagai seorang yang cultured, yang tau menghargai seni. Padahal kau tak faham langsung pun apa yang cuba disampaikan.

Macam tadi, aku ke annexe sama si bakal lawyer untuk melihat screening short films tentang wanita. Apekenamanye. Memang sesuai dengan jiwa feminis nya, i was half expecting to see some bra-burning but nahh. Bra burning are so 70's i guess. Anyway, out of the 5 short films hanya 3 yang layak dipanggil film dan 2 memang aku suka. Satu, "Creatures" yang Bernice Chauly yg direct dan narrate, lagi satu "Sangkar" kerjatangan si Sharifah Amani. Creature aku suka kerana penggunaan narrative dan visual art yang sangat kena. Sangkar pulak aku rasa best sebab for a first time film maker,Sharifah Amani sedikit sebanyak dapat memberikan a very good debut. A very good polish of your typical drama melayu plot, compressed into what, half an hour? However,the two films are not the thing i wanted to talk about here.

Yang aku ingin relatekan di sini adalah salah satu dari 5 filem yang ditayangkan, yang tak berada dalam 'like' list aku.  Dari mula sampai habis cameranya menayangkan gambar monsoon drain somewhere in kl di tepi traffic light sewaktu tengah hujan. Ok la, thats not all, ada la cerita dalam bentuk subtitle yang maha kecik sampai semua orang bosan nak kenyit mata mau baca. Akibatnya, ramai yang main phone. Aku pulak sibuk menguap. Towards the end pulak ada sampling speech Sharizat Jalil pesan pada lelaki supaya rajin dan berdisiplin interspersed dgn gelak tawa perempuan muda yang memperlekehkan pesan (dan juga mungkin perasaan ) si Sharizat. Banyak kali di ulang2 benda yang sama (5 kali kata si Lawyer-to-be) sampai naik muak aku.

Haram faham aku mesej yang cuba disampaikan, akan tetapi crowd memeranjatkan aku dengan tepukan yang (boleh tahan la) gemuruh. Persoalan satu: Apa yang di tepukkan nye ni? Persoalan dua: Ni tepuk bodek ke tepuk ikhlas ni?

Seriously aku tak faham.

To me art is something that is something beautiful and sublime. Each and every one of the artists have their own style and medium and yet the expression the art sought to express should (by right) be universal enough to be understood by others, it should be meaningful. Heck, even abstract pieces have meanings lah. If not every Tomdick and Hairi can be an artist. Simple, just poo on canvas, et voila! Art!!

Kalau mesej Creatures itu adalah longing for the man the narrator's life (bak kata si lawyer-to-be) dan Sangkar itu mesej nye kalau-suka-cakap- suka-kalau-tak-bapak-kau-sambar yang Still ni aku tak faham langsung. Orang kata art imitates life, kalau macam tu Life itu equals dengan longkang kah?

The Cave (Revisited)

Kalau kau rajin baca Al-Quran dan tau sikit2 bahasa arab takpun suka dengar cerita2 dari Al-Quran mesti kau tahu cerita Ashabul Kahfi. 7 Orang pemuda beriman (dan seekor anjing) yang Allah tiupkan rasa mengantuk yang amat sangat sehingga tidur selama 300 tahun di dalam gua. Kalau kau tak tahu, kependekkannya adalah dizaman pemerintahan seorang despot yang bernama Dakyanus  atau Decianus dalam bahasa Inggerisnya hidup 7 (ada kata 2,3,4,5 dan juga seekor anjing bernama Kitmir) orang pemuda yang beriman kepada Allah tatkala seluruh isi negeri sibuk menyembah si Decianus ,geng beriman ini mengambil langkah proaktif untuk menyelamatkan nyawa dan keimanan mereka; lari ke sebuah gua dan berdoa kepada Allah agar memastikan nyawa dan iman mereka tidak lagi diganggu gugat. Hence the 300 years of sleep.

The point being here is that, aku merasakan apa yang the seven sleepers tu rasa when they woke up, overwhelmed with all they had missed and confused with what is going on. In the end they asked God to put them back to sleep, permanently this time.  Sebegitulah apa yang aku rasa,overwhelmed with all this things they talk about that i don't know of. Hinggakan aku rasa sangat bengang sebab tak faham sebab dunia mereka dengan dunia aku sudah berlainan.

But i can't ask God to put me to sleep kan?

Tengah Malam

Something is not right he thought when he slowed down at the run down stop. It is not something he wanted to do, it is what his body unconsciously responded to. Something or someone was calling him to slowly hit the brakes when his head was all thinking about  his bursting bladder. In fact that particular someone was waving him to stop. A woman clad in white with a babe in arms and a large bag on tow at the stop. Something is not right about the woman his heart told him but still, he stopped. Kindness overruled suspicion by votes of 2 to 1 and so he wound down his window and asked, cik buat apa kat sini malam2? Perlu kan bantuan ke?
The woman looked at him with eyes full of sorrow before replying in an almost a hoarse whisper saya baru lepas tinggalkan pasangan saya. Saya dah tak tahan sangat dah. The man relaxed a bit despite his head flashing the warning numerous times, another damsel in distress he told himself. He wasn't really listening to the woman pouring her heart and soul to him for he was busy checking her out. Ever since knowing that he attracted girls like a flame to moths the feeling has been mutual. He thought he had seen all the beauties to be seen and tasted all that could be experienced but even after leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him he had not seen such a beauty like the one standing outside his windows. This one is different, his itchy heart said. The face was flawless, smoother than any lenglois he had been with, heck it is comparable to a china teaset! Far too smooth his inner warning system warned again but he dismissed it as his eyes wandered all over in search of more exciting discoveries.
The rocking she gave the babe was fast losing its effect, the babe began the wail that could match a fire engine's siren. Interrupted, she excused herself to go to the bag in search of something. When she bent down to rummage through the bag his eyes found what it was looking for, he was entreated to a sight that set his heart and loins on fire; the most magnificent behind he had ever seen.

But then when she turned back to face him with a milk bottle safely silencing the small siren she had her arms, something made him question the reason he was there and why the woman was there. Reason flooded back into his head and at that moment he realized that the hands that was cradling the babe is suspiciously too muscular and he thought he saw something moving below the woman's chin when she talks. Realizing that he was staring in shock of her the woman asked in a voice that most definitely did not belong to a woman "Kenapa bang? abang okay ke tak nii? " At the same time, in tradition with all stories involving a woman in white with a babe at a secluded place, the blanket that has been covering the babe fell off, revealing an old tombstone.

Pon...pon..PONDANNNN!!! ,the man's stutter gave way to a full volume scream.

Insulted, the woman/man/something retorted, EH TAK LAH NOK. KAU HINA MAK YAAA??? all the while staring hard at him with now bloodshot eyes.
His movements were amazingly fast and before the blink of an eye he had had his window up and the car already putting a distance from the accursed place. Outside the pondan or pondianak or whatever it is already wailing, laughing his/her hearts out all the while taunting him, asking for a ride.

Inside the car the man had lost all bladder controls and the only thing on his mind now were getting the hell home having re-learned  the lesson to not to talk to strangers, especially strangers wearing white.

Lemau

Back from work. Same old stuff, office politics bore me to death. I learned one new thing though, the capitalist tendency to oppress knew no race and spoke only one language. Money.

After almost a month of traversing the post-apocalyptic wasteland of Fallout 2 i can see why the critics sang praises of it and fans hailed it as the greatest RPG ever. I totally understand why Fallout 2 tugs at their nerdy soul. Adventures in which pointy eared elves/height deficient dwarves/other stock fantasy race in a Tolkien-esque setting trying to save the world are dime a dozen. Despite the dated graphics Fallout 2 is a breath of fresh air. The first thing i noticed is how the game tried to push the the boundaries of realism in a game, the graphics notwithstanding. Profanities pepper conversations, drug use is an accepted fact in the game. Use a substances far too often and you will get addicted to it. Violence? there's enough for everyone. Hell, take your own pick. Good old melee or rain lead on your opponent.
The game presents itself as ultimate what-if scenario of the future; Nuclear holocaust between the two remaining superpowers, China and the US and its aftermath. In a war between the superpowers, what happens to the little people, the everyday joes and janes when the dust finally settles, that was what the game sought to portray.


Like Malaysian judges, i have a backlog of unfinished stuffs and yet here i am, going on and on about random things.

Happy Anniversary Sayang.

The car was a twisted wreck, so was the driver, but not yet dead. His fatal wound: one of his broken ribs had punctured his left lung. With whatever strength left in his limp body he struggled violently on the stretcher, refusing to leave, His hands no longer obeyed him, from his mouth incomprehensible gurgle. His eyes did the talking, moving back and forth from his wrecked Honda and to the medic’s eyes, Please. You left something in there? the medic gestured to the wreck as he strapped down the man for the ride to the GH. I’ll look for it, the medic promised. One long stare and the man relaxed slightly, calmed by the promise and the drugs pumped into him. The ambulance is long gone, along with the medic’s aide. The medic found what the man had been so reluctant to leave behind, an envelope stained with blood; a card from the looks of it and a bouquet of roses with some of the petals fallen off because of all the tumbling the car did after the lorry rammed into its side. Another drunk driving case. There is a woman by the bed of the deceased, the wife. Not a sob, only tears. She spoke unbidden; death of a loved one loosened her tongue. The man had been notoriously forgetful. From things to anniversaries. Its their anniversary today. What are those? she asked pointing to the envelope and the half dead bouquet, her voice choking back sobs. Perhaps he hadn’t forgotten after all. For you, i think, said the medic handing her over both. Sure enough it is an anniversary card. Her sobbing stopped as she read the card. She looked at the medic and asked, who the heck is Sally??

Eight Simple Rules (kata Vonnegut lah)

Eight rules for writing a short story:

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Of Jackboots, Nazi and Merdeka.

I've been increasingly trying to isolate myself from the happenings of the world outside to concentrate on my studies (yes, you may call it what you want but i learned ALOT about conveyancing in the space of a month) but somehow i caught wind of the racist remark made by the school principal in Johor. Upon seeing the report (its all over the Net by now i think) i was rendered speechless. Even now so many feelings cloud my ability to type properly.

First of all, how could a person of her standing have made such remark on the first place. I mean, the idea is that your position reflects upon your experience and to largely, your intelligence. To me, a teacher sat on that esteemed and respected place shared only by mothers and fathers. Teachers sat on that place solely for their honoured role of imparting knowledge and wisdom to those who had none, a principal would surely rank higher in that degree of respectability but alas, this whiff of fart might dispel that myth. I still find it hard to believe of all people in the world, a principal would utter a remark that preached intolerance and bigotry in front of schoolchildren. We had our share of shocking, racist remarks made by politicians who after all would say anything to garner votes but for an educator, it is simply unthinkable. Teachers and parents play a big role in shaping how a child see the world, like the saying melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya, that is true. If a child is to be subjected to this negative perception of other races from the very beginning then i would not be surprised if later in life they turn out to be ignorant louts with Nazi-like understanding of race relation (which is to say Non-Aryan or in our case, Non-Malays are untermensch; undesirables, unfit to live). Now where did they learn all this? At school.

Whammo! Who will be blamed? the teacher, the education system. Then again the system itself is not perfect in the sense that it has been creating parrots instead of graduates. That however is an entirely different matter.

Whatever the cause of the principal's outburst it proves that even a person that we expected to be wise and knowledgeable can be a total idiot sometimes. Perhaps she is an early case of senility. But who knows..

However, i might be overreacting, perhaps the leaked report which i imagine is now plastered all over the Net was a hoax intended to instigate hate and distrust. Depending on the angle that you choose to see it can be another attempt to discredit Malays, portray us as ignorant racist fucks or another ploy to distract the masses. Again, who knows...

I'd like to believe that come this 31st we as a nation are matured enough to understand and to respect each other without having to resort to blows, heated words and rash decisions. All those are for children. All that the added number year after year should correspond with increase in wisdom, with age comes wisdom as they say. Let us settle whatever dispute or problems like matured adults, a cozy chat over tea. 53 years old is way too young to be senile and i believe if there is a midlife crisis, we're past that. If we truly believe in the aspiration of 1 Malaysia then we should take the first step towards realizing it, lose the hypocrisy, be genuinely interested in your fellow Malaysians. Its not too late to mend the rifts between us all. All it takes is a smile and a friendly hello.

Happy Merdeka Month Yaw!

Tua

It was a tiring day. I went home without my usual delay, i crammed myself into an already packed train, it was of no consequence actually, i purposely jammed the bugger who cut the long queue against the already packed train. I have no respect for those who did not have the courtesy to line up for things, even if you're lady. You lose that status the moment you waltzed into the train before everybody else who has been lining up. You suck.

This is Sparta

Its after the 8th rakaat of Terawih. I waited for Mak outside at the main gates of the Surau. As i waited i saw this black car in the distance, bedecked with the Jalur Gemilang, bedecked with far too much flag that it ceased to become a show of patriotism but rather, a joke. Not to mention a potential traffic hazard. It passed right in front of me, with dangdut blaring loudly. I told myself, "patut la. They've got so much to prove".

Habis pahala aku.

Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan / Bulan Kemerdekaan.

Foot and Finger Disease

Kenapa menapak ke Timbuktu?

asked the Missus over the phone. A half second pause and the only thing i said is 'Saje' because that is the stock answer for the questions that require explanation which at the end of it the listener would have to unevitably say umm.. that or i'm simply too lazy to say what was on my mind.

A few days before, while i was ironing my workshirt the program on the telly was about this dude recalling his experience of going for the Pilgrimage to Mecca by bus from Malaysia to the Holy City of Mecca. Hats off to the dude because to me, there is no better way to tempt fate than to put your trust on a long distance bus ride in foreign lands. The ones here are dangerous enough to have graced the front pages of newspapers every now and then. Anyhow, Mak was of the opinion that it was a bad investment, a waste of time when there's a plane that could take you directly there. I replied while carefully ironing out an almost straight flyline on my pants " Ala, dia saje je tu".

Though the dude..i mean, Haji might have his own reasons for taking the journey by land for the Haji my guess is that he took buses instead of a plane because he wanted to experience both the journey and the end itself. What is the link here between the new name of my blog and a Haji going for his Haj by bus? nothing. It just came across my head while i was typing.

No wait, there is a link. Though it be a blurry one, i think. The Haji's journey (i shall call him Haji for i did not quite catch his name) to reach Mecca by bus was in a way a rejection of the what all others have done, a plane to Mecca and when you're done in Mecca another plane ride home and hey presto you're a Haji/Hajjah now. I think he deliberately took the long way to get where he wanted to go because he wanted the journey to be a personal one, his own Haj with his own stories to tell. Like Robert Frost said it, he did took the road less travelled (literally) and this blog to me is like that. Others may choose to achieve great things in their own way, me? i chose to mengarut. No, this is not strictly what you can call a writing for a writing is made of sentences written with a clear purpose for an audience to relate and with clearly defined subject at hand and here, the subject is random and the purpose is not clearly defined; writing is for those with something to ask from the readers be it to think, to sway the readers to their opinion, to brag about themselves or for whatever purpose that they have in mind, i have no such desire. I typed what i typed,mengarut-ed simply because it is the long way to get to where i want, i typed all this mess with hopes that the anarchic mess of thoughts and words would somehow in the future give way to a coherent, well-formed opinion and arguments; a real writing. Something worth its weight in gold (or paper money). Until then things in here are mere mad ramblings, mengaruts. Thus the name of the blog, although the idea of really going to Timbuktu by foot seems very enticing if not ludicrous.

I put no stock for any readers of any kind. all this mass of words with a thin stream of thought weaving in and out of it is for me really, If you can get something out of it then good for you. So there you go my dear, if last night's explanation is not to your satisfaction here's a longer one.

Revelasi # 1

I find potrayal of human emotions in books are rather dumbed down. There are far more complexities to human emotions than straightforward hate, love, disgust and so on. But then again putting words to things that eludes capturing into letters and sentences is a joy unto itself. Here's a word for the abstract nature of human emotions: ineffable.

The reverse could be said of the business of transforming books into movies, sometimes there are beautiful things that can be created out of mere words but falters once you turn it into a real flesh and blood scene or people. Again the paradoxical nature of human emotions, Cold Mountain is far better a book than it is as a movie.

Hargailah Zaman Persekolahan Anda

Bila di sekolah cikgu dulu selalu cakap kalau tak tau

tanya soalan.

Bila masuk U pulak tak di galakkan tanya soalan, banyak

sangat tanya nanti member pulak menyampah,lambat habis

nanti kelas, pastu banyak lagi tanya HEP pulak meluat.

Bila dah keluar U tak nak bertanya soalan pulak pasal

salah tanya soalan nanti lain habuan.

Tapi orang tua-tua dulu cakap malu bertanya sesat jalan

nanti.

Cemana tu?

I am getting lazier and lazier to write nowadays, the blog is joke. An insult to its former self. I did not know what is wrong with me. I saw the new National Geographic Channel ad, live curious it said. It used to be that way but no more. I seem to have lost interest with the world and learning to enjoy life in blissful ignorance. I am truly giving the world my middle finger. The clock is ticking, yet i haven't got the will to get up from my arse and start doing something meaningful, again.

Yeah yeah yeah, 'vast that bloody yammering.

Post-Adrenalin

Banyak benda yang berlaku sepanjang hampir seminggu si penceceh-tanpa-isu ini offline antaranya dua buah gunung berjaya ditawan (salah satunya, unintentionally sebab itu saja jalan pulang kami) dan satu puncak air terjun yang gile babi lawa yang juga dikatakan tempat permainan elves, laptop aku crash dan sekali gus membuktikan kepentingan external hard drive, ada birthday budak Carriage sorang yang aku miss, aku turun berat sebanyak hampir 10 kilo, Ya, SEPULUH KILO!!!, dan Siti sementelahmana di certified kan oleh Abg Zaini sebagai masih lagi hidup sekali lagi buat hal (aku kini menaip dalam keadaan monitornya berkelip bagai lampu neon berbagai kaler). Pening aku mau mengadap ini pc, (kau jeles sama madu kau ya Siti?). More later, after i get Siti sorted out for good.

Oh ya, hampir terlupa saya. Saya sangat sayang itu wanita yang naik gunung bersama dengan saya, dia sangat hot kerana mempunyai minat kepada outdoor dan tidak segan silu untuk berpeluh berliter-liter (atau kalau ikut bahasa kampung nya, buckets of sweat) dengan saya dek memanjat dan juga menuruni gunung, yang buat saya bertambah sayang kepadanya adalah kerana dia tidak kisah bercinta dengan seorang junkie; mountaineering junkie.

You are the best, sayang. I love you. Esok kita kahwin kat atas gunung eh?

Lapse of Time.

Ape la yang aku lakon kan tadi. Proctologist yang lupa the malay term for piles. Apa-apa pun aku harap defence side menang, kes prosecution memang rompong belaka.

Barang dah siap kemas, tunggu nak di angkut je. Yang mana aku rasa bukan barang aku aku tinggal atau buang saja, i'm done being the room's safe. Barang kau barang kau, barang aku barang aku.

Tadi Lin Suksis call aku masa balik dari sembahyang Zohor. Dia cakap dak2 perempuan semua tak nak pegi rumah angkat kat Terengganu. Nak dikata malu sebab lama tak contactmmungkin jugak aku rasa yang betul2 keep in touch dengan family angkat sekerat dua je, aku pun terus lost contact haritu tapi apa la salahnya kalau pegi je balik ke sana, dah ada peluang nak re-establish contact. Haih. Aku tak faham perempuan. Anyway Lin jugak mintak tanya dak2 lelaki sapa yang tak mau pergi rumah family angkat, sebab kalau semua tak mau mintak di kansel kan aja program itu. Aku tak tau, dalam kepala otak aku memang dah prejudiced dengan dak2 perempuan, lembik dan mengada. Esok2 nanti aku call En Khalid tanya apa cerita.

Aku malas nak fikir apa2. Aku mengantuk gile, rasa nak tido dan tak mau bangun2. Malas nak buat apa2. Semua boleh pegi mati. With the end of my degree program (I hope to God i don't have to repeat anything) i think i am entitled to a break.

Fuck off world, let me get a decent sleep.

To the Last Man

Its already the 8th and as we strike off those papers from our calendars the initial momentum that has been driving us through the first papers to the worse of them slowly wore off. Like a sprinter finally losing his adrenaline boost, the sight of a near empty library, a UiTM minus all the annoying noobs on the busses and on the sidewalks would give us the wtf moment. We're the ones still left behind. That would slow us down to certain extent, no more would we study like its the end of the world, its been like a month of continuous consumption and deficat-ion of facts and half remembered name of cases.

At least it feels that way for me.

But then, somehow in between my re-reading of Dr Irwin's article it hits me.

Tomorrow would be the last paper for my degree.

Yeap, another wtf moment. The bulls that once gored my insides when it was the night before my Asso 1 paper came again, goring my stomach with even more zeal than before. Sad, fear and happy is all i feel, the wheel had spun to this moment, the end of my walkabout, end of many things. Fear, fear of should the unnamed thing repeats itself again.

To this i pray to the One above, another shot in the arm is all i ask from you. Let this be the end, let nothing be trailing behind me like a masterless polong. I want to end this.

Please.

Keeping up with the times

edited and adapted from the original at cityofsharedstories.com

He looked up and saw it up there with them lights blinking,the bridge. No wonder they call it sky bridge,its goddamnnn high and that's not the only thing, he's not going to get any tolls out of this despite it being all fancy with lights at night and all (he once dreamed of having the endless bragging rights as the-one-with-the-crooked bridge but the bridge was never built, even after all the controversy). Not one stinking sen.

He cringed.

The crowd, he forgot all about the crowd. The young, sitting around with their friends or with their partners doing who knows what,the tourists snapping away at the magnificent sight overhead, the crowd. God above, how he hate the crowd.. But then again the guards will chase them out of the area around ten..or is it eleven? He'll have to have another word with the night guard again. Last time they talked he left the man with a big dark spot on his pants despite him being all civil to the guard.

Eh...well, one good addition to his already impressive bragging list would be the pool (he wasn't much of a park person, unless) The highest bridge in the whole country and an impressive pool with them fountain things to boot.

A troll couldn't be happier. Malaysia Boleh indeed.

Tapis.

Tadi aku baru je tanya Mang, manusia ni memang self-contradicting kan?

Dia balas; memang la, tak payah tengok jauh. Contoh terbaik aku kurus pastu kau gemok.

Babi apa kaitan la sial...

Wobblies

Happy May Day to the Workers of the World.

Dok diam2 kat rumah enjoy cuti noo..

In Peace

Just got back from eating at TAF with the missus and a few friends, bloated although the no-rice policy is still in effect. Its been a while since i've had passable char koey teow. Sometimes the ironies of life tickles me, like talking about our distrust for the chinese in a chinese owned eatery that we love to frequent to or like one minute we might be spewing acidic comments on our tongkang-loving neighbour across the strait (not that strait, the other one) only to eat like crazy at Pecel later.

Ah, the ironies of life.

But what really made me smile was something that i read in the free paper the Missus gave me just now at TAF.

On an entirely unrelated matter i seem to miss out a lot even though i read the online news everyday, i do not understand how this could happen but i think i has to do with the appeal of reading a real paper that you can hold in your hand.

Anyways, the thing that i read about in the paper was in regard to the shortage of land in Penang. Its a not a new issue but what i found funny was that it was not land for the living that they are clamouring for, be it Muslims, Christians and others they are all running out of land for cemeteries on the Island. In successfully wrenching away Penang from the ruling coalition the PR authorities have inherited the same problem of trying to solve the shortage of cemeteries on the Island and now they are scratching themselves bald over it.

Forgive my morbid sense of humour but despite the hush-hush/taboo aura surrounding the subject i find it comforting that despite the all the changes and all the divisive differences that we harp about nowadays one thing that all Malaysians can agree about is that when we are dead, we ought to be put six feet under the earth. No excuses, and no stupid ideas like launching away the ash on a rocket for it to float around in the earth's orbit.

The Ego and Its Own.

The world ends when we stop caring, somebody once said. Well, the world ended for me a long time ago.

To this only this i have to say.

Meh..

Batu Di Jalanan.

Shit happens. Life goes on, the great tayar of life rolls on.

Meh.

Terbentang Luas.

Its the things that you take for granted that matters the most in the end. The gentlest touch, the soft smiles, the way the sun shines after a heavy rain, the fact that you still draw breath every morning. Its always the little things. Always the little things.

Lagi lagi Random

Along with the house, a forge. An outdoor forge of clay and bricks where i can create things practical and hopefully, over time, beautiful things out of iron and steel. With handmade bellows and hammers and anvil from Amazon.com the ringing and the fume would drive the neighbours mad.

A sudden interest in smithing. Wtf..

back to work then.

Feral

Not in the mood, really feel like smashing something up. The angry troll in me struggles to get out. I swear i'll club to pulp any motherfucker that annoys me right now.

And what the fuck is Robert Pattison doing playing Kurt Cobain?

Random.

Aku rasa sebenarnya bilik aku dah ada maskot. Seekor cicak.

Ye, common gecko, cicak rumah, whatever you want to call it. Dah lama aku perasan dia main ba-ba cak di celah buku-buku aku dan mang, mungkin dia rasa secured duduk di kalangan buku-buku ilmiah. Ada orang kata cicak ni makan nyamuk, tapi aku tengok banyak je nyamuk kat bilik sini, siap boleh buat driveby depan muka aku. Aku pun tak tau. Yang aku tau dia (cicak tersebut) memang asyik ada kat sini. Pernah sekali mang hulurkan getah padanya, saja-saja mengacah. Cepat aja dia rentap dan gigit2 umpama aku dapat daging. Tergezut aku dengan mang. Boleh tahan rakus.

Nama? entah. Belum aku terpikir lagi. Hmm

Jim Brown.

Ok tak?

atau kalau nak melayu sikit,

ajim

Jiiiiiimmmm!!!!!

Kurkurkurkurkurrr!!!

Gambar takde, Jim camera shy. Macam aku.

Kuotasi

"No complaint... is more common than that of a scarcity of money."

Hahaha babinye kau ni Adam Smith.

Sloth

Di sini, dan di dunia siber secara amnya aku malas mau berbuat apa-apa.

Lagu Tekak

It might be annoying for some but you gotta admit, its fucking amazing!!

Rantai

I was in badly need for a haircut so when i stood there at the doors of my favourite barbershop at 9.30 am sharp today it illustrated the seriousness of my situation. Alas, i was not the first customer of the day for there was another dude already there sitting in the antique Japanese-made chair having his crop trimmed and nose hair plucked, thus i sat waiting impatiently while the he had his moustache trimmed to symmetrically.

As i sat there staring with fascination at the tedious process of moustache-trimming (the barber made it look like ballet, with scissors) it occurred to me that for the past 18 years i have had my head dealt with in every way there i never got to know the names of the barbers there, except for the towkay; Atan Arshad. Thus along with my primary objective of getting my lawn mown i would also find out the name of the tall, mustachioed,balding pakcik who'd be snipping away at my mini-afro.

Soon as the fella had his arse off the seat to reach for his wallet i rushed to filled the still warm seat, my head itching to be trimmed of its unruly hair.

"Hah kau ni pulak apa style nak dipotong?" he asked.

I then provided a most detailed instruction as how my crop is to be trimmed, only to buy time to think of what conversation starter to use* before resorting to the lame "sorang je" question which logically speaking would be a dumb question considering that it is clear as padang kawad on Sunday afternoon that there was no one else but the two of us there but he nonetheless answered that his mates are on their way. Not wanting to lose the momentum i asked him whether the shop would join the move to the controversial new market and its an interesting thing how a single question could spawn an entire breadth of conversation.

I had to let out the question that has been forming in my head ever since i saw that the confused mess of a pasar/mall hybrid they have right next to Esso finally finished, will the barbershop join the move to the new pasar/mall or will they adamantly refuse until the pasar/mall resolves its identity crisis and boy did i struck a nerve there.

It was a litany of directed to both sides of the fence, charges of corruption, nepotism, cronism and all its merry friends but mostly it was a tirade against politicians in general, something to be expected from a tradesman in a predominantly Malay enclave. I barely needed to say anything,it was as if he had been practicing to say it for quite sometime only waiting for a poor unsuspecting customer to push the right buttons. Our common point of contention was that why the heck did it take 22 years to finish a measly pasar, yep the project was as old as i am. In that time frame, a government lost its majority, KLCC was planned and constructed (even the brain behind it is already in retirement) i lost my grandad, quite a number of uncles and an aunt, exchanged my diapers for pants, lost my babyfat only to regain it as my adult fat, left school and by God in Heaven i'm almost done with law school and only then the pasar/mall was finished.

*Initiating a conversation or holding one has never been my forte, i'd like to think myself as laconic.

Tatkala Otak Sembab

Lalu aku taip cerita lama.

Aku-tak-suka-peri-peri-secara-am-nya-tetapi-ini-adalah-satu-satunya-pengecualian.

Sedap kan lagu ni? Sayang sekali aku benci lagu ni sekarang.

Bahasa

Lets not kid ourselves, after years of reading all those textbooks in English (or if your slightly deranged, English cases) your once flawless classroom Malay would have degenerated into Lawschool pidgin hence this question.

What's the penjodoh bilangan for a spoon?

a) Sebilah

b) Sebuah

c) Seketul (don't ask me, this came from Farouk)

d) Sebatang

e) Selaras

f) Sesudu

Wheels

When you have wheels the magnitude of your wanderlust is even greater. Like we did yesterday. The Missus and me traveled over 300 km, in search of the way to Cameron Highlands and the killer Ikan Patin Masak Tempoyak. We never reached Cameron Highlands but we did pass by Genting Highlands and the Ikan Patin Masak Tempoyak was not at the Tapah rnr as we erroneously believed, it was further up ahead in Sg Perak rest area. To a logical mind it was a journey of absurds but to minds greatly affected by El Nino it was one heck of a road trip and by God above, it was great fun. It wouldn't be fun if i was to do it alone, sitting in car with a like-minded person who enjoy this kind of thing especially when that other person is your significant other makes it a trip worth remembering which reminds me, I've got this itching for the rojak buah at the Sungai Petani bus station.

Peak

I tried to read the Family Law text book i borrowed from Abot (which in turn borrowed it from his roommate, Sabri) but after two chapters my mind wandered. My still aching body revolted against anymore attempts at revising the secular section of the Malaysian Family Law thus this entry. There is nothing much to say, the mid semester break was filled with fun activities of all kinds, there were visits to the various departments of the Police force, the air wing, the forensics department, the armoured wing and the armaments/ bomb defusal wing. Needless to say that all of them are equally interesting and without doubt it was intended as a promotion for us the final year students into joining the blue ranks of them coppers. It was not a bad career option now with the better pay and incentives but hey, who am i kidding? I'm a lazy ass when it comes to marching and obeying orders to the letter.

The crowning cherry for the cake would most definitely be our trip to conquer the peak of Gunung Nuang, the highest peak in the state of Selangor, or so they said, i never bothered to verify that fact. The initial plan was that we were to initiate the climb right after lunch on Saturday but the trip was fraught with many ill omens like us arriving late, the Land Rover carrying our dinner breaking down twice and well, suffice to say that with our time frame in haywire there were talks of cancelling the climb. In fact there was a split in the ranks on whether or not to continue with the climb with all the bad signs flying around, even the coaches mildly disapproved but the determined few resolved to reach the top (though i was in the 'confused' group at first with me not having a proper boot to conquer a mountain but it was then resolved with one of the nay-sayers lending his boots to me) and reach the top we did. After an exhausting, near-vertical climb of 4 hours or so we reached the summit. A quick lunch of bread and kaya most of us afterwards chose to commemorate the event with lots of camwhoring while i and a few others decided to leave a more permanent mark to the trees already scarred with old scratchings of victories celebrated. Abot with his always out-of-the-box ideas i fear, left a more degradeable mark to the peak. No doubt some of the trees will be grateful for it.

Even as we reached the top the weather did not agree with us, after half an hour of lounging and soothing our aching muscles we climbed back down the way we came from. For me the climb up was the best part of the whole journey the climb down was not. By the time we came down it was already around 4 and Abot and me and 2 others were the last ones to reach the base camp at the foot of the mountain, Camp Lolo. The previously silent dense foilage came to life as light faded as if welcoming the night. Around 7, we reached our almost deserted camping ground with the girls already down at the entrance to the forest reserve waiting for us the guys (the climbers were all guys, except for Abot. He's a confused case),climbers and non-climbers. The starving and smelly climbers raided the lunch left for them and after a mopping up operation all of us left the camp ground only to reach the entrance to the reserve an hour later. I was already dead tired by this time and the aches multiplied. We reached Shah Alam around 11 plus and after a fortifying supper with the Missus i called it a night. Which brought me to my current predicament, aches all over. No matter what position i take on my bed the pulsating aches would never cease its annoying beat. Sleep does not come easy for me hence this post. It is perhaps the price to pay for conquering the unconquerable, not the so-called highest mountain in Selangor but my own self. Never once did it occur to me that i am able to scale any elevation greater than 7 stories flight of stairs but i proved myself wrong. The thought crossed my mind that what a great nonsense to have climbed a mountain only to come down again and that the only thing you get is muscle pains but when the pictures we took up there were uploaded one by one onto Facebook it was all worth it. Pain, sweat, bad smell and all.

Next stop, Gunung Berembun. Ayoh semua!!!

Panjat-panjat

Esok mau survey a piece of real estate, this should be fun.

Wow

‘Herbal medicines can cause serious illness, death’

You can't really argue with the experts but at the same time you can't help but to think, a subliminal marketing campaign by the big pharmaceutical companies?

Buang

Mid of 2007, Last day of Pre-Law in Kedah. Look at that slim bastard pretending to pant at the top of the Whateverthenameis Hill. Nowadays it would be for real (the panting i mean).

O time, thou art my eternal enemy.

Oats and Breads, here i come.

Ganjaran

Not in the state for long typings but like BEP would've said it, tonight is gonna be a good night, and a good night it was. Good food, ripe lamb off the bone, good friends, lots of laughters. I'm not what you call a kaki lepak but hope i can still do this when i don the black and whites (Insyaallah).

On a different note, i managed to finish the chapter on American Realism in one sitting from my new Lloyd's Greatest Hit Vol II (Volume I was only up until page 600-ish) with the aid of Sigur Ros and despite the triumphant feeling i still didn't quite get the whole idea of the school of thought.

Also on the reading front, i've managed to finish Children of Hurin the missus managed to get at the last MPH warehouse sale we went to and all i can say is that i did not expect the kind of story out of the great Tolkien himself, race politics in Middle-Earth, some anger management problem with the protagonist, throw in a curse from a fallen deity to his family et voila! A recipe for a family drama, Tolkien style although i still can't accept the fact that Turin married his own sister, his own sister!!

Anyways, the mid semester break is upon us now. For some it is time to relax and unwind. The same can be said for me although i've got tests and assignments lined up for me but hey, worrying won't help much. I'll cross the bridge when i get there.

All in all, it was a good week for me and tonight was a nice topping to end the week (tomorrow doesnt' count). Will blog about it when i feel like it.

Toodles.

Sudah di agak

Telah aku cakap dahulu, tak payah ada legislative assembly ni, buang masa je. Bergorok sana sini, demo sana demo sini, turun naik court. Baik crown kan aku jadi Maharaja je because i rule.

(Oh yeah..).

Ini baru betul musik (weird lyrics i know)

Oops! I Did It Again

-Tumpang tanya bang, Mawar dimana ya?

*Points to the general direction of Mawar* Nampak tak bukit ni? Mawar dekat belakang bukit ni.

Old habits dies hard.

Eksperimen #1

Reading on the aspects of partnership while half-awake with Sigur Ros crooning softly in my inner ear.

Will it yield any positive result? We shall see.

Amat

Apa yang kau fikir bila kau nampak orang yang memegang tongkat foldable (yg orang buta selalu pakai tu) berlari2 mengejar bas u74 didepan stesen monorel KL Sentral?

a) Dia mempunyai masalah penglihatan yang teruk. Bukan buta, mungkin pandangannya sedikit kabur tapi cukup2 untuk nampak bas u74 depan mata.

b) Dia bukan buta mata tapi buta hati sebenarnya dok menyamar jadi orang buta mintak sedekah kat kedai2 makan sekitar Brickfields tuh. Part of the syndicate.

c) Dia ringan mulut dengan orang yang sekelilingnya, dia tanya sesapa yang disebelah bas u74 dah sampai ke belum dan mintak tolong kalau dah sampai tolong guide dia ke pintu bas kerana dia sememang nya cacat penglihatan.

d) Dia SB intake baru yang baru habis gather intel, malas nak play the part of a blind man. Cuma nak balik rumah dan tido sampai terlupa nak lipat tongkat.

e) Dia sebenarnya tolong pegangkan tongkat pakcik buta tah mana tapi lupa nak pulang balik.

f) Dia tak buta pun, saja je bawak tongkat foldable, sangat kool katanya.

Chambee

A woman, in white and black, pen in hand extended.

A smile, "Your signature monsieur, here, here and here."

Another file awaits.

Wishes

Kalau kau membesar dengan cerita dongeng dari seberang laut pasti kau biasa dengar mak atau bapak kau baca cerita dimana ada adegan yang protoganis nya akan memasang hajat apabila nampak tahi bintang jatuh ke bumi (selalunya di awal cerita) dan hajatnya akan termakbul.

Mengikut pemahaman aku tahi bintang itu takde memainkan apa2 peranan pun dalam memakbulkan hajat pun, cuma satu objek di mana hajat tadi itu di tumpukan sepenuhnya supaya ianya di embedkan secara subconciously ke dalam minda si pemasang hajat tadi agar bermula dari saat itu segala gerak langkah si pemohon tadi secara subconciously hanyalah untuk mencapai hajatnya. Dan kembali kepada cerita dongeng tadi, selalu nya lah, si pemohon itu akan dapat apa yang dihajati nya itu (kalau hajat dia tak kesampaian rosak pulak cerita). Tapi itu semua dalam cerita dongeng Eropah, namun begitu dengan situasi aku sekarang ini aku agak amused dengan notion sebegitu rupa. Akan tetapi rosak iman kalau pegi pasang hajat kat tahi bintang, Tuhan ada pegi mintak dengan taik bintang pulak. Bapak syirik.

Maka aku berdoa kepada Tuhan sambil mata kejap2 menjeling ke parking lot pool ini supaya dalam masa terdekat ini cargo bay door kapalterbang peranchis tahmana terbuka luas secara tidak sengaja lantas berterbangan keluar lah baguette panas menghujani parking lot pool depan bilik ini disamping tergoleknye lori bawak butter di bukit tonggek agar berhamburan stok butter untuk sebulan untuk aku kerana aku sangat lah lapaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr........

So help me God.

Mari Berpantun (Versi 3.0)

Gendang gendut tali kecapi

Tali kecapi brand Fender

Aku gendut banyak nye bunyi

Kau boroi ada kau consider? (buat mereka yang rasakan diri mereka slim)

Budak Rotu berlari-lari

Berlari-lari hai keliling padang

Aku bukan kaki lah maki

Tapi boleh jadi kalau dah bengang

Sorong papan tarik papan

tarik papan sorong papan

Apa kejadahnya sorong/tarik papan?

Kan lagi baik dibuat rumah?

Main bola dengan budak LLB

Bola di main dengan budak LLB

Hidup ni menjaga orang punya hati

Tapi hati kita sapa peduli?

Badak berendam dalam kolam

Berendam sambil minum ice lemon tea

Sibuk berpantun macam haram

Sampai lupa perut aku lapa gile babi

Kambing Boer di panggang atas api

Benda dipanggang memang la atas api

Ini semua boleh pegi lantak pi

Or ikut dialek aku ; pegi lah mati!!

Habis.

Juleps

Sam's love for the level three toilets at the library could never be put into words. Given the choice between the toilets at him new faculty (which consists of refurbished dorm rooms and its accompaniments) and the one at the library, he’d rather shit at the well lit and better smelling level three toilets at the library. The other, unspoken reason being that Sam finds shitting in a premise full of books to be perversely gratifying. For Sam, company meant books, lots of books which even extended into the toilet.

Unfortunately for him one day, a really bad case of diarrhea came upon him. Urge to relieve his aching midriff won over habit and so he went into the cubicle hurriedly and without his usual companion, the long time reader was forced to become a thinker for once. The pain was excruciating, God knows how long he spent time in there staring at the grey plastic door trying to appease his aching stomach. He shat and shat for so long that even he lost the track of time and when he finally came out of the cubicle it was a relief to be on his feet again.

From the moment he stepped out of his cubicle he felt that something was different, maybe it is the air (even with air-fresheners there would always be a certain tang to the air in a toilet) which now smells of smoke and the lights that flickered a few times. Alarmed, he tried to make his way out of the toilet for he had no wish of dying in toilet in a burning building but what he found beyond the door was not what he expected to see. What used to be the 3^rd floor of the library is gone. In fact save for the toilet he is in the whole library is gone, ground to chunks of rubbles. Whatever that he was used to was no longer there. The blue skies that he was used to burns red. Mushroom clouds and gouts of fire here and there in the distance. Eerie silence accompanied the spectacular flashes and fires, as if he is seeing all this on a HD telly on mute, no booms for the explosions, no distant crackles for the balls of flame. Only dead silence.

As if suddenly realizing that Sam is watching all that with his mouth open someone spoke,

-Seems that we missed one here.

Interrupted from their enjoyment of the vast scenery of death and destruction, two beings from their great height eyed him with penetrative gaze that was unearthly. One of them grinned.

Sam whose real name is Samad retraced his steps back into his former cubicle, he felt the need to empty his stomach again.